Dear Unicorn
Dear Unicorn in my uterus,
I realize you live there, and it’s all well and good when youre dormant for 3 weeks out of the month. It’s actually fine, cause you cause no havoc and I appreciate the fact you are not even noticeable.
However as your house-ing unit I must protest dear unicorn. I plead please stop bucking and punching holes in and around my abdominal area, it’s not cool. I’m not happy about this situation and have considered filing an eviction notice. it doesn’t feel good and makes this princess ever so much crankier to everyone she encounters than unsual. I feed you, you buck, I sleep you poke, it’s just getting ludacris really. punching holes and kicking me is not awesome, i’m just saying.
Please take what I say in serious consideration. Either you stop all this rough housing and you calm down or else.
Signed Orians fetigued body.
PS youre kind of are a jerk
